YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
