similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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