Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
