omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think i have two assholes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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