I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
