Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
