I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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