I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
