I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
