I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
