do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
