There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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