I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
