We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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