when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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