I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Alive.
So much puke
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
