He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
