So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
