So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Randomize
