one two three fourrrrnication!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
