if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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