I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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