btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
