I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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