Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize