Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
