and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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