the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I will pee on everything he values.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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