I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize