Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
