btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
