party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
