we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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