I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
