On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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