And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
