True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
