he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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