You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
