I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
