come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
