Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think i have two assholes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
