I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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