we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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