I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
