I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
