Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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