you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
