I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize