She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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