her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
