If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize