Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
