I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize