How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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