After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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