As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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