Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
