Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
