OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize