it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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