according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
