4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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