Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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