also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
