I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My friends, they love my intelligence
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
