can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
