Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
