So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
