if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize