thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
