I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
